Tuesday, April 22, 2008

What the hell were they thinking?

One of my children had softball practice today. I noticed one of the assistant coaches pull out a can of chew and put in a big dip. I saw another assistant coach walk out onto the field and bum a chew off of him. They each proceeded to spit all over the place.

Are you as shocked as I am???? I mean...in my book, real men swallow their chew.....spitting is for weinies!!!

Ok, kidding aside, what were these men thinking? Now...I am not completely upset or horrified by it. I just thought it was bad judgement and in extremely poor taste.

Maybe I should have been more upset about it?

Should I have said something to the coach?

Should I just keep my mouth shut but talk to my son about it and use it as a teaching experience?

Saturday, April 19, 2008

They saved his life! (kind of)


Toad and Fatty found our dog Buddy digging in the snow. He pulled out a chipmunk by its tail. Started shaking it violently. Toad and Bubba were horrified! They decided to save the little guy.

First they distracted Buddy by dumping out his WHOLE bag of dogfood. Then they picked the little fellow up with a ziplock bag. At this point, they noticed he was definitely still breathing. I told them that wouldn't last long if they didn't unzip the ziplock bag.

Next they went and got a little towel, wrapped up the chipmunk, and put him in the sun. As he dried out, he began to move a little. He was pretty stunned from being shaken so hard.

Here he is still looking pretty wet and matted up from being in Buddy's mouth.



He finally crawled off and got on with his little chipmunk life. Least that is what I told the girls. I think he may have just crawled off to die in the bushes. His back legs weren't working and I suspect his back was broke.

I feel guilty that I didn't put him out of his misery instead of making him suffer for so long. But all I could think to do was get the ax and chop off his little head.....and I just didn't have it in me. Plus- the girls would have been scarred for life I am sure.

Friday, April 18, 2008

They told me I was having a miscarriage.

It was several years back. We were in Salt Lake City. I was about 3 months pregnant. Suddenly began bleeding heavily in the middle of a department store. The horrible realization of what was going on is something I will never forget.

I sent my other children back to the hotel with someone and I don't remember how I got to the hospital but I went by myself. When I told the nurse what was going on, she told me I was miscarrying. I asked if it could possibly be anything else...she just looked at me kinda sadly and shook her head but saying, "Take a seat, someone will be with you."

I must have been pretty low on the list of priorities because it was forever before I was taken into a room. The doctor did his thing and said,"Yep, you are miscarrying." So, of course I am asking," Are you sure? Couldn't it be something else?" "No," says he. "Well, make it stop! How do we stop it?" Fully freaking out in every sense at this point.

The doctor tried to reason with me telling me I wouldn't want to stop it if I could. He said when you miscarry at that stage in the pregnancy it's usually because something was horribly wrong anyway. So, "It was for the best." Yeah, right. Like I wanted to hear that crap.

Several hours later, they finally sent me up for an ultrasound. They wanted to make sure everything had "evacuated" ok, or was working its way out properly. (or whatever the hell stupid-ass terms they used.)

Guess what they found?
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This:
Yep, it was Bubba. Now, she didn't look like that, of course:) She looked like a little peanut with a tiny beating heart. Least thats what the Ultra Sound Technician told me.

So..... I asked her how long the miscarriage would take, still thinking that I was miscarrying. She could not figure out what I was talking about until I explained to her what was going on. She told me I was definitely NOT miscarrying and the baby was perfectly healthy.

That was truly the worst couple of hours of my life- when I thought I had lost her...and I didn't even know her yet. She wasn't any bigger than a peanut, and I loved her. Loved her with all my heart.

Toad and Fatty Ran Away Yesterday 4.01.08

They told me they were going to walk to Nana’s house. Her house is 2 miles away down a back country dirt road in case you don’t know. I told them no way. Don’t even think about it. So they headed down the driveway. Usually when they pull something like this, they will go halfway down the driveway and then turn around and come back.

Luke and I were watching them out the window. We started yelling at them to turn around and come back. They didn’t even look back. Near the bottom of the driveway, they went behind some trees. I ran to the otherside of the house so that I could see them when they came out from behind the trees. Luke and I watched for several minutes but they never came out.

So I went and got in the truck and went down the driveway to find them. Somehow they had crouched down along the snowbank at the side of the road so we couldn’t see them and taken off down the road. I could barely see them at the bend in the road when I got down there. I drove down and made them get in. They were all flushed and excited from their little adventure.

Nothing dampened their enthusiasm, not even the fact that I told them they were grounded for a week. " Going on the road is extremely dangerous." I told them. Toads exact words were,"But aren’t you proud that we had the courage to do it?" Then Fatty said," Yeah! We were scared but we did it anyway!"

They are right. I do value courage. I am proud of them when they step beyond their boundaries which they do so well....But NOT in this case. They could have been ran over or stolen, or fell off the edge into the river....or ten million other things. So somehow, I need to teach them limits. Wish me good luck with that one. I will need it.

They are just now waking up this morning and I can see on their little faces that they have lots of plans for the day. They have no thoughts that they are still grounded. But my two little monsters angels are in for a big surprise....BIG SURPRISE!

Things That Make Me Chuckle Every Time I Think of Them! 3.30.08

When I saw Dad fall off the roof..... ok, I had to stop and laugh for a full minute just typing that. I heard him yell and then I could see his legs kicking all the way down as the snow was flying all around.... You would have to know my Dad to appreciate the humor I see in this.

When I was walking through Walmart in front of the cash registers last Winter, in my four inch high clear plastic heels that had flickering lights in them....thinking I was all that....and I hit a slick spot and biffed it right in front of all the registers......

When my little sister put gum in the leg hair of one of my other sisters boyfriends...

Which reminds me of the time one of my friends was sleeping in science class and some of us put rubber cement in his armpit hair. About a week later I saw him raise his arm in class and I could see little hardened globs of rubber cement dangling from his armpit hair. I asked him why he hadn’t cut it out....he said he didn’t know how to get it out and he hadn’t thought of cutting it...

When my friend who was cooking at the Country Inn (now the Runaway) put a booger on the hamburger she was frying up for an ex-boyfriend who had cheated on her. ( I mean really, how stupid could he be to trust her to cook something for him and NOT put a booger on it?)

When Smai was trying to prove how high she could jump and tried to touch the ceiling and slipped on the floor and fell straight down on her back....ah, funny stuff.


I have so many more, but can’t think of them right now. Usually any kind of bodily pain or injury (of the temporary kind) that happens (preferably to someone else) makes me laugh. Although it’s still funny when it happens to me :)


What makes you chuckle?

What makes you smile just to think of it?

Love Advice From Toad 3.29.08

Maggie is my 8 year old niece. She has had a crush on a particular boy now for a couple of years but recently this boy was "going out" with another girl. Yes, these are second graders. I heard her talking to my 7 year old daughter about it last week:

Maggie: Hey Toad. ****** doesn’t like ****** anymore and now he likes me again!

Toad: Really?

Maggie: Yeah! He likes me again!

Toad: Well, you need to tell him it’s too late.....the Maggie Train has left the building. WHOOT WHOOT! (raising her arm up and down as if pulling a train whistle.)


Excellent bit of advice, I thought.

Out for Delivery! Warning: Girlie Girl Blog Ahead.

Last week, at the recommendation of an old friend of mine, I purchased some cosmetics from E.L.F. She swore it was as good of quality as M.A.C. I was very excited about this as almost everything at E.L.F. is only 1$!!
After ordering it, they sent me a tracking number and I found out it was going to take a whole week to get to me. Grrrrr! I am more of the instant gratification type but I had to wait, so I have been tracking the package all week and here is what it said this morning:

Mc Call Id, US 3/25/2008 6:33 A.M OUT FOR DELIVERY

Whoo hoo! I tracked it all week through Saddlebrook, NJ then Hodgkins IL. It spent the weekend all lonely in some UPS warehouse in Commerce City, Co. It finally made it to Boise at 3 a.m this morning then to McCall at 6 a.m. where it was sent out with good ol’ BURT the UPS dude who will deliver to me this afternoon!

I am crossing my fingers. Like most women, I love make-up and lotions and potions and smelly things of all sorts. Last time I went into M.A.C. to purchase my favorite eye shadow it was nearly $15! I almost fell over. The last time I purchased eyeshadow there it was only $11, which is still too expensive.

So anyway, we ordered over 30 items from E.L.F. and we are going to have a PARTEEE when it gets here this afternoon. It will be like Christmas opening up all those packages. Can’t wait!

We’ll let you know how it works out.

When I grow up... 3.21.08

I was pretty sure, up until around the age of 10, I was going to be an astronaut. That dream died when I realized I would need to be a math and science genius to have a shot. I was decent at math and science...but nowhere near genius, hehe.

Through my teenage years, I alternated between wanting to be a journalist, writer or an actress. I only said journalist because I thought it sounded cool. I really did want to be a writer but long ago came to terms with the fact that I will never get past the "great idea" stage. The rest of it: the research, the actual writing, editing.....just way too much work. Actress? Well, to my way of thinking, life is nothing but one big act so I am definitely living that dream.

I would never have believed I would end up doing what I do....designing pageant dresses. It works for me though. It’s a combination of art, math and even a bit of science. AND best part, it’s totally ok to be a designer and be more than a little eccentric. It’s even sort of expected. Which is good...since I am...eccentric, that is.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Did you ever even come close to your childhood dreams?

How many times have your dreams changed?

What are you doing now?.

My Toad: Future Movie Director 3.20.08

Toad: Mom, I am making a film. Fatty is in it. Do you want to see?

Me: Sure. (looking at computer screen and not really paying attention to her)

Bubba comes in.

Bubba: Mom Poo
I see you in the dark room
with an X on the window
and a lock on your face
Now I see you standing beside your grave.

Toad: What do you think Mom? I directed it. (I think she meant she made up the words.)

Me: Thats pretty interesting. Do you want me dead or something?

Toad: (laughing) Oh, Mom, it’s just a film.

Me: Bubba? Did you put on some of my make-up?

Fatty: Yes, just a little bit though.

Toad: Now she thinks she looks like a pumpkin.

Me: Why?

Toad: Because your make-up made her face look kind of orange.

Me: oh...oh...

Toad: Make-up people! Make-up people! (then mumbling to herself) She just can’t be in my film looking like a pumpkin.

Toad and Fatty run off into the bathroom.

Edit: As I was re-reading this I realized it might be a little confusing for someone who did not know that "Bubba" and "Fatty " are the same person.
(AKA Marielena

What Happened in Vegas 3.16.08

Late last Summer I took a trip to Las Vegas for a Fabric/Clothing Show Convention. I decided I would arrive early in the morning and leave late that night.

I am not one that is bothered by traveling alone. In fact, I enjoy it. However, earlier that Spring, I went to Las Vegas alone. I decided I didn’t want to pay $300 for a hotel room so I stayed up all night waiting for my plane to leave at 6 a.m. Let me just say, some freaky things go on in Las Vegas between 2 - 4 a.m. in the morning. I think it was made worse by the fact that I was alone.

One young fellow, who looked to be no more than 19 years old, asked me to go up to his room and smoke some pot with him and his friends and another fellow that would not leave me alone kept trying to talk to me and following me around. I tried to be polite but after a 1/2 hour of him telling me how rich he was (yeah right) that he had a private jet and he would take me where ever I wanted to go, I finally ditched him. I seriously think that guy was some sort of serial killer and I still get a chill just thinking about it. This was all just the tip of the iceberg too. There were several other things that I won’t mention here because some younger children read this blog.

For this next trip to Vegas, I booked a late flight home the same night, so I wouldn’t have to spend the night. I had just arrived in Vegas and was taking the Shuttle Bus over to the convention when this Little Asian Dude sat down in the chair across the aisle. He tried to make eye contact and talk to me but I gave him my half smile that says "leave me the heck alone" more than "nice, to meet you," (anyone who knows me knows that particular smile of mine, hehe) and hoped that by not looking his way again he would leave me alone.

Well, at the next stop the person sitting by me got off and the Asian Dude slid over next to me. Oh great. He tapped me on the shoulder. I glanced over but didn’t really look him in the face. He was handing me his card. I took it, said thank you, and just put it in my purse without looking at it. He turned forward and I could tell he was irritated. Right at that second, something clicked and I remembered reading Business Etiquette 101 on the internet one time. It said it was extremely rude, in Asian cultures, not to read a business card that was handed to you. I also remembered that it was polite to hold it with both hands while reading it and that the longer you read, the more respect you were showing.

So, dang, guess what stupid mistake I made next? I took the card back out of my purse, held it with both hands and read the whole thing. Well, apparently, I read it a little too long and showed a little too much respect.....if you know what I mean.

After that he would not leave me alone. He told me what hotel he was headed to. He told me all about how he was a movie producer and he was here doing a documentary on gambling. He told me where he lived and all about his life. He told me what he wanted out of life. And seriously, this was in the space of about 10 minutes. Well, no problem, his hotel was one of the first on the route so I could just be polite and he would be gone in a minute or two. His hotel came, a few people got off...he stayed on. Oh crap....

To Be Continued....

Life Lessons With Toad and Fatty3.14.08

Overheard Today:

Bubba: Toad, do you like boys?

Toad: No, I just think they are cute.

Bubba: Who do you think is cute?

Toad: Well, ***** is cute. He is shy so he acts mean and aggressive to me. That means he likes me.

Bubba: Really?

Toad: Yeah.

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Later:

Bubba: Who is your favorite president?

Toad: George Washington.

Bubba: Well, my favorite president is George Clooney.

Toad: Don’t you mean George Bush?

Bubba: No, George Clooney.

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Still Later:

Toad: Bubba, who do you think is the smartest person in the world, your mom or your dad?

Bubba: Hmmm, I would have to go with my Dad.

Me: What! Why?

Bubba: Well, you see Mom, sometimes you put the remote in the freezer and the milk in the cupboard.

Toad: Yeah, Mom. You do lots of funny things. But don’t worry, we love you like that.

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They were really on a roll today because then I heard this:

Toad: Bubba, who do you think is going to die first. Mom or Dad?

Bubba: Mom.

Toad: No, she isn’t! Dad is older. (Actually, I am older but they can go ahead and think that)

Bubba: Yeah, but Mom’s face looks old. (WHAT!!!!, Thanks a lot Bubba, lol)
















Free. Fun. Memorable 3.13.08

Been thinking about my grandfather again lately. Thinking about how much fun we had with him. Fun that was mostly free. Free fun...usually turns out to be the very best kind. The most remembered kind.


playing in the creek...

playing around in that old abandoned house and trying not to fall through the rotten upstairs floorboards....

messing with the chipmunks and gophers....

slingshot contests....

eating strawberries and carrots out of the garden...

sleeping in the hammock on the back porch then getting scared and coming inside...

finding leaches and trying to make them suck our blood....

fighting with my cousins...

making up with my cousins...

thinking we could make wine by crushing blackberries inside a coke bottle and letting it ferment...

toasting bread on top of the keroscene lantern and getting sick from it...

playing in the fire and NOT getting in trouble for it....

camping way, way WAY up Anderson Creek....

stopping at Hot Springs not for fun but to actually bathe, lol....

and all the stories at bedtime....so many stories Grandpa had....



I was thinking about this stuff when I let my kids jump off the roof into the snow this Winter. Hehe. That is something they will always remember..."the winter the snow was so deep that mom let us jump off the roof." I mentioned that to my Grandma the other day and she told me a story about when they would actually ride their sleds off the roof of their houses. Now THAT sounds like FUN! That would have been so do-able this year. Can't believe we didn't think of it.

Currently the kids have the staircase lined with two twin mattresses. It makes an amazing slide. It's impossible to slide down and not smile, lol. Last night Tate was "surfing" down it on a pillow. So Toad got the idea to get one of my mannequins and ride the mannequin down. I think my favorite was when Toad, Bubba and Luke got inside a tent and then rode down the mattresses inside the tent. Now that was funny.

What about you? What have you done that was free yet totally memorable?